And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
