evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
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He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
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Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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