The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We need to feng shui this bitch.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
