Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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