My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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