Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
