Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
