i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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