Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
