i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
