We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
They are going to name an STD after you.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
