Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
