Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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