Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
