HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
