I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
