I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
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There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
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This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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