hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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