Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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