im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
