the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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