I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize