You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
