I feel like abortions should bother me more
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
