I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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