We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
