yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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