I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
