Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
