Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
