Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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