You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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