is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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