I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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