rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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