ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
