It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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