Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
