I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
