Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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