the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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