The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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