i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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