Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
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I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
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I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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