Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Michael Bay diarrhea
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed on how many people?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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