The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
