It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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