The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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