It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
