You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
