Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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