Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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