Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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