god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
