Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
