you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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