dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
