I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
id be glad to
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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