So squirting runs in the family.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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