Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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