You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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