i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
sarcasm needs its own font
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We had sex on a dog bed..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
