you're like a bully in the Christmas story
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
