I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
