I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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