i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
