You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
