So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
