I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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