Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
