member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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