when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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