Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize