Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
