My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
