My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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