proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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