if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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