When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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