the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
