She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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