hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
